happy 10th year, Sarah 🤍

Assalamualaikum and hi guys~

I hope it’s not too late to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya. 🤍

Maaf zahir & batin.

It’s already April, and somehow, we are now entering Q2 of the year.

Time has been moving so fast, and honestly… life has been feeling a little heavier, a little stranger, and a little more emotional than I expected.

Okie, here's the life update:

There was once a time when I'm planning to stop everything in october.

That was the plan I had quietly made in my mind. Okeylah, we can say it a very dark and lonely plan.

But somehow, life shifted.

Plans changed.

And now, something is waiting for me in November.

I don’t know yet whether that “something” will be good, painful, healing, or life-changing.

But for the first time in a while, I find myself still here… waiting to see what comes next.

And other than that…

Recently, I met someone. Okay not recently lah. Few months knowing him ady. But recently, he reminds me so much of my dearest Sarah.

The cheekiness.

The little actions.

The way he carries certain energy.

The way his presence stirs something in me.

It’s almost terrifying how similar it feels.

And because of that, my entire day today has turned into drama air mata.

I’ve been crying since last night, and I think deep down, it’s because meeting someone like that reopened a part of me that never truly healed.

A part of me that still misses Sarah.

And I do.

I miss her so much.

It has been 7 years since she went missing from my life, yet somehow, the ache still feels so fresh.

Some people leave, but they never really leave your heart.

No matter how much time passes, no matter how much life moves on, there will always be a part of me that carries her memory so gently, so quietly, and so deeply.

Wherever she is now, I truly hope she is happy.

I hope life has been kind to her.

I hope she is surrounded by peace, by love, and by people who protect her heart.

And above all, I pray that Allah always keeps her safe and protected no matter what.

Because despite everything…

I will always have love for her.

Always.

And if one day, somehow, life brings her back to me, I just want her to know that

I would still accept her.

Even in her worst condition.

Even if life has changed her.

Even if she comes back carrying pain, scars, regrets, or broken pieces.

I would still choose to love her.

Unconditionally.

Some people are written into your soul in a way that time cannot erase.

And maybe Sarah will always be one of those people for me.

So that’s my little heart update.

Filled with memories, tears, unanswered feelings, and quiet hope.

Maybe healing is not always about forgetting.

Maybe sometimes, healing is simply learning how to keep loving from afar with sincerity, with prayer, and with an open heart.

Happy 10th year Sarah. 🤍

The End Is Near?

Assalamualaikum and hi guys!

It’s been a while, right? I was scrolling through my old entries and realized the last time I wrote here was when I was just about to start my new job. And now, as I’m typing this, I’m already approaching my 6th month. Crazy… really crazy. Time moves so fast, and honestly, I didn’t even notice how far I’ve come until I paused and reflected like this.

To be completely honest, I still can’t believe I’ve managed to stay and keep going in such a fast-paced environment. There were so many moments where I doubted myself, where I felt like I wasn’t good enough, or that maybe I couldn’t keep up. But somehow, I’m still here — showing up every day, doing my best, and learning along the way.

Nevertheless, Alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah for giving me the strength, the patience, and the resilience to go through it all. I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without His guidance.

These past almost six months have been nothing short of a rollercoaster. There were good days that made me feel proud and motivated, and there were also tough days that drained me mentally and emotionally. Some experiences just pass by like a breeze — I barely remember them now. But some… they stay. They linger quietly at the back of my mind, revisiting me when I least expect it.

I guess that’s the thing about past trauma — it doesn’t just disappear. Sometimes it follows you into new chapters of your life, showing up in your fears, your doubts, and the way you see yourself. And even when you try to move forward, there are moments where it pulls you back, even just for a little while.

But I’m learning. Slowly, but surely. I’m learning that healing is not a straight path. I’m learning to be kinder to myself, to accept that it’s okay to have bad days, and that it’s okay to not have everything figured out yet.

And maybe… just maybe, staying this long is already a small victory for me.